RC and I just completed what used to be a 6-hour drive but now is closer to 7.5 due to the insistence of the little gromlet who feels that being fed every 3 hours is appropriate. The last time I ate every 3 hours was when I worked in an office that had delicious chocolate at the front desk, which was dangerously close to my desk and caused my chair to be exceedingly further from that desk to accommodate my gut. Of course, I didn't literally eat chocolate every 3 hours...it was more of an every 45 minutes thing but let's not be so nit picky this early in the story, mmmkay? Anyway, as we often do at some point in our long journeys, RC and I got a little delirious and came up with some amazingly stupid ideas. And by "we" I mean "me," but again, let's leave the nit picking for a later paragraph. With nothing but time and no enjoyable scenery between here and there (unless you like dirt, dust, more dirt, some rocks, dirt, and powerlines), we came up with more of our world-famous, super-patented, I-can't-believe-they're-not-better ideas.
Frentals
See, I don't really have any friends yet where we live. Why? Well, probably reason number 1 is that I say stuff out loud that I shouldn't. Number 2 is I keep forgetting to shower and/or brush my teeth. And three is that I don't really leave the house all that much. With no job to go to, and no extraneous cash to spend at coffee shops or stores of any sort, I don't have many chances to interact with people my age/gender/marketing demographic/ethnicity/language/background/future reanimation after a premature death in which we were frozen in space-age tubes with blue lights and windows and then brought back to life in better times when a cure was found for whatever me and these imaginary friends died from. So, there's Frentals™. It's a rental service for people who don't have friends but want to pretend they do for a limited amount of time. For a nominal fee, Frentals Worldwide™ will send you a compatible friend for an hour, a day, or a week or monthly rental! Frequent Frental™ members can earn BFF points toward a permanent Frental™ that will participate in a wedding, baby shower, or other major life event for a fraction of the regular cost. Every Frental™ comes with up to 3 public outings per rental period, up to five Facebook photo tags of you and your Frental™ out and about in public, and yours to keep are the stories you'll have of the time you ate at Del Taco at 3 p.m. on a Tuesday with someone other than yourself! If only you had someone to tell about your great Frental™ time, you could earn status points with your real friends...but you don't have any, and that's why you have Frentals™. And for those of you who are lonely in a different way, Frentals will expand at some point to Frentals with Benefits™. I am not going to explain that one, other than the term "Full Frental™ Nudity" will be used in the marketing material. Figure it out yourself.
Logo-A-Go-Go
RC has been getting some freelance work designing logos for friends (not Frentals™...he has real friends), and he foolishly asked me to help him think of a name for his logo design business. He really should know better to ask me to come up with something creative when we've been cooped up in the car for four hours and I'm giving the best of what my body has to the 9-pound vampire in the backseat. So, I started rattling off names for his company. He thought maybe the word "Creative" could be in the name. I disagreed and then launched into a rapidfire session of stupidity. Logo-A-Go-Go was one of the first ideas, then we devolved into Lo-Geaux for that French feel, and then I vaguely remember mumbling a few more ideas before falling silent.
"RC, I've got the name for your business."
"Ok," he said, probably thinking that I was going to say something useful. Silly RC.
"Your new company name is LoGoFuckYourself."
There was stunned silence as RC took in the awesomeness that was what just came out of my mouth. Actually, that's not true. There was no silence but only the kind of silent laughter that RC gets when he's either really amused or completely at a loss for words. He may have been entertained by LoGoFuckYourself, or he may have been retracing all the missteps he took in his life to end up here, with me, at this moment, having this conversation.
There may have been some other Million Dollar Ideas on this trip, but I don't remember them right now. And that's fine, because Count Poopula is ready to eat again, so I have to go do the mom thing. I'll keep you posted if I come up with any more good ideas. Don't go stealing Frentals™ now, because I took the time to put that little ™symbol behind it, and you know that's airtight in any court of law.
Frentals
See, I don't really have any friends yet where we live. Why? Well, probably reason number 1 is that I say stuff out loud that I shouldn't. Number 2 is I keep forgetting to shower and/or brush my teeth. And three is that I don't really leave the house all that much. With no job to go to, and no extraneous cash to spend at coffee shops or stores of any sort, I don't have many chances to interact with people my age/gender/marketing demographic/ethnicity/language/background/future reanimation after a premature death in which we were frozen in space-age tubes with blue lights and windows and then brought back to life in better times when a cure was found for whatever me and these imaginary friends died from. So, there's Frentals™. It's a rental service for people who don't have friends but want to pretend they do for a limited amount of time. For a nominal fee, Frentals Worldwide™ will send you a compatible friend for an hour, a day, or a week or monthly rental! Frequent Frental™ members can earn BFF points toward a permanent Frental™ that will participate in a wedding, baby shower, or other major life event for a fraction of the regular cost. Every Frental™ comes with up to 3 public outings per rental period, up to five Facebook photo tags of you and your Frental™ out and about in public, and yours to keep are the stories you'll have of the time you ate at Del Taco at 3 p.m. on a Tuesday with someone other than yourself! If only you had someone to tell about your great Frental™ time, you could earn status points with your real friends...but you don't have any, and that's why you have Frentals™. And for those of you who are lonely in a different way, Frentals will expand at some point to Frentals with Benefits™. I am not going to explain that one, other than the term "Full Frental™ Nudity" will be used in the marketing material. Figure it out yourself.
Logo-A-Go-Go
RC has been getting some freelance work designing logos for friends (not Frentals™...he has real friends), and he foolishly asked me to help him think of a name for his logo design business. He really should know better to ask me to come up with something creative when we've been cooped up in the car for four hours and I'm giving the best of what my body has to the 9-pound vampire in the backseat. So, I started rattling off names for his company. He thought maybe the word "Creative" could be in the name. I disagreed and then launched into a rapidfire session of stupidity. Logo-A-Go-Go was one of the first ideas, then we devolved into Lo-Geaux for that French feel, and then I vaguely remember mumbling a few more ideas before falling silent.
"RC, I've got the name for your business."
"Ok," he said, probably thinking that I was going to say something useful. Silly RC.
"Your new company name is LoGoFuckYourself."
There was stunned silence as RC took in the awesomeness that was what just came out of my mouth. Actually, that's not true. There was no silence but only the kind of silent laughter that RC gets when he's either really amused or completely at a loss for words. He may have been entertained by LoGoFuckYourself, or he may have been retracing all the missteps he took in his life to end up here, with me, at this moment, having this conversation.
There may have been some other Million Dollar Ideas on this trip, but I don't remember them right now. And that's fine, because Count Poopula is ready to eat again, so I have to go do the mom thing. I'll keep you posted if I come up with any more good ideas. Don't go stealing Frentals™ now, because I took the time to put that little ™symbol behind it, and you know that's airtight in any court of law.
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